Tag: Humor

Distant Memories

Timothy Price40 Comments

Lindy’s in Downtown Albuquerque

I found myself thinking about the day I had a “Dead Texan Burger” for lunch many years ago. I was not really into cannibalism back then, and even less so today, but I just couldn’t pass up a dead Texan. I found the notes from my lunchtime conversation with the waitress. I’m not making this up:

Waitress: “What can I get you today?”
Me: “I’ll have one of those ‘Dead Texan Burger’ specials.”
Waitress: “Very good.”
Me: “How did they slaughter and prepare the Texan?”
Waitress: “Oh! He was roadkill. We scraped him up off the corner this morning.”
Me: “Mmmm! Even better!”
Waitress: “Would you like anything to drink with your order?”
Me: “Pump me a glass of Coca-Cola, please!”

These lovely young women took my order, pumped my Coca-Cola, and served the roadkill.

As I sat at the table waiting for my order, I started thinking what could be more green than recycling that morning’s hit-and-run, and turning it into the day’s special? I also had a few flashbacks to a couple of old movies from the ‘70s: “Soylent Green” where Charlton Heston was beaten up, and being carried out on a stretcher saying “Soylent Green is people!” I also thought about “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” where the bad guys hit their victims in the head with sledgehammers, hung them on meat hooks to bleed out, sawed them up with chainsaws, and then cooked their victims and sold them as Texas Barbecue. Oh man! I’m drooling like Jake waiting for a pupachino just thinking about Texas Barbecue.

I searched through my photo archives, but I did not find any photos of the actual burger. I remember it looked like any other burger, except it was coated with red chile to help tame the wild taste, and it had a fried egg on top that, I believe, represented a flattened 10-gallon hat. I have a vague memory that the burger was tasty.

Picking up another hit-and-run

Satire Sunday

Timothy Price28 Comments

Government Motors Reintroduces The Trans-Am

In a nostalgic move, GM has announced it’s bringing back the Trans-Am, as an all-inclusive automobile with the advanced, leading-edge “Pedal-Electro” propulsion system that will bring Pride to everyone. “This is not your average EV,” said Arden Hoffman, Senior Vice President and Chief People Officer for GM*, who is in charge of peddling the new pedal car. “Pedaling this baby charges the batteries and your cardiovascular system at the same time!”

Besides a revolutionary drive-train powered by pedaling, a generator attached to the drive-train helps charge the batteries that supply power to lights, computers, and a 200-watt Bose® audio system with a super sub-woofer that provides an inspiring booma booma booma to sync your pedaling. “The new Trans-Am will keep you in shape,” commented a short-of-breath Mark Tatum, GM board member, and Deputy Commissioner and Chief Operating Officer of the NBA, after taking the 3000-pound Trans-Am for a test pedal. “It weighs much more than it looks with that compact body.”

Other innovative features include a no-roof, open cockpit-style interior that provides natural airflow to keep you cool while pedaling with pride.

*Arden Hoffman’s real position and titles.

After my more serious post with a protest song yesterday, I figured a chaser of satire with photos of trees and clouds was in order for today.

Cucaracha Crunch Coffee — Blond

Timothy Price25 Comments

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Keeping up with coffee trends, I’m introducing Blond Cucaracha Crunch Coffee just in time for Halloween. Those of you who have followed my blog for awhile might recall that I discovered Cucaracha Crunch Coffee back in 2012 when a cockroach crawled into my coffee cup at the office. During this All Hollows season when people try to be gross and disgusting, what better way to gross out your friends, family and colleagues than with a big, bold, blond cup of Cucaracha Crunch Coffee — Blond?

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But is it Art?

Timothy Price18 Comments

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Spunk has taken to killing napkins, making the world a safer place one napkin at a time, bet he also leaves napkin carcasses strewn all over the floor. Is it art?  I finally had to retire the printout of a spreadsheet I was using as a placemat on my desk at the office after it got enough coffee dribbles and tears that I couldn’t read the various notes and phone numbers I had scribbled on it. After Bruce and I decided it was too artsy for the trash can, I hung on the wall where a picture frame once hung. While most people don’t even notice it, it’s been a toss up among the people who have noticed it whether or not it’s art. After my boss finally noticed it he asked me why I had a piece of trash hanging on the wall. Sean suggested I clip the dollar bill to it. Other people have said “Hmmm! But is it art?”

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Halloween

Timothy Price3 Comments

 

Liz, who works at Patrician Designs, was a paper boy for Halloween. Getting a good photo of her clicking her heels was not an easy task, but we finally got a great jump and click — although she jumped so high, she about jumped out the frame — I was impressed. I managed to get a photo of an angel playing the piano, which is a pleasant addition to the ghostly images a got walking around downtown this evening. The three celebrants in the last photo had wonderful costumes, very well done, and appropriate for Halloween.